I got this idea in my head today and decided I really didn’t want to work anyway. I know in past years others have done this so I hope I’m not ripping anyone off. So here it is. Enjoy.
Dec 13th
I blinked a few times just to make sure I wasn’t hallucinating.
Nope. Wasn’t. It was still there. Cautiously I entered my apartment and decided to do a quick check of the place before I investigated the present left in the middle of my living room. That didn’t take long and I was soon standing in front of the 5-foot evergreen with blinking lights someone had so thoughtfully left for me. Well, I guessed it was for me since there was an envelope sitting on one of the branches with “Stephanie” written on the front.
Over the years I’ve learned a thing or two, so before grabbing and ripping the envelope open I checked around it to make sure it wasn’t wired to something like a bomb or hell, even a dead person. Weirder things have happened, and a girl can’t ever be too careful.
Seeing it was wire free, I snatched the envelope and pulled out the card. The front simply said
“On The First Day of Christmas…”
My heart started to beat double time. Holy crap, I hope this isn’t from some sick-o. Slowly, I opened the card.
“Babe
A present under the tree for you
R~”
My breath caught in my throat. “He left me a present?” I whispered. The only response was a squeak from Rex’s wheel.
Two nanoseconds latter I was sitting on my couch staring at the open box in my lap. Inside was a gun, more precisely a Glock.
On The First Day of Christmas Batman Gave To Me a Glock Under a Christmas Tree
Dec 14th
I’ve tried to get in touch with Ranger. All I got was voice mail no matter which number I called. Now, however, I was in need of assistance. Roger Moore, a 78 year old retiree who was arrested for indecent exposure, was trying to get me off his property by shooting a paint ball gun at me from his second story window.
I flipped open my phone.
“Yo.”
“Hey, I’ve got a naked 78 year old man shooting at me with a paint ball gun from his bedroom window. Could you maybe help me out?”
“Duck.”
“Thanks for that.”
“Stay out from under the window. He might try to write his name in the snow.”
I sighed. “Having a good time?”
“Be there in ten.” Then there was a click. Guess the Skip Advice Hot Line was closed now.
Sure enough, ten minutes later a black Bronco pulled up. I held my breath as Mr. Moore took aim. Ranger will never let me live it down if I mess up one more of his vehicles.
But it wasn’t Ranger who jumped out. Tank pointed at the skip with the meanest look I’ve ever seen on his face. Then in his deep menacing tone he said, “Old man, you hit this car with that paint and I’ll personally see to the fact you won’t ever have to worry about prostate cancer.”
Mr. Moore pulled the paint ball gun back and spit out the window.
Tank was unfazed. “Now get your shriveled ass dressed and down here.”
Mr. Moore retreated from the window. I stared at Tank in awe.
“How do you do that?”
“It’s all in the tone.” I rolled my eyes. He didn’t crack a smile. He was serious. “Oh, before I forget,” he stopped and went back to the Bronco to retrieve a box. “This is for you. Since I was coming this way I was told to deliver it.”
“Uh, ok.” I was glad that Mr. Moore exited the house at that precise moment because I had no idea what to say. Unfortunately when I looked at Mr. Moore I saw what he was wearing, a Speedo and a swim cap. I looked at Tank and smiled, blinking innocently. “Tank…”
“Not on your life. He’s all yours. Have fun.” With that, he left.
“Mr. Moore, it’s 22 degrees outside. Go get a coat.” I thought I had “the tone” going for me.
“Screw you.”
Guess not.
The whole time I was driving to the station, and then waiting for my paperwork, my mind burned with the question “What’s in that box?” I didn’t even wait to get home. The minute Carl gave me my receipt I ran to my car and started to rip open the gift.
Another card was on top.
“On The Second Day of Christmas…”
Inside:
“Babe,
You always seem to need a pair.
R~”
On The Second Day of Christmas Batman Gave To Me Two Pairs of Handcuffs
and a Glock Under a Christmas Tree
Dec 15th
The next morning I came slowly awake to the smell of coffee. I bolted upright in bed, then realized that if it were a dangerous skip making coffee, at least maybe I’d get a cup before he tried to kill me. I stumbled out of bed and slipped on the pink fuzzy slippers Mary Lou had given me a few days earlier.
No one was in the apartment but sitting next to the coffee maker was a wrapped box.
“Hey, Rex. Look at that, coffee AND a present. The coffee would have been enough.” He ignored me and stayed buried under a pile of shavings. He had the right idea.
This time I took my time getting to the present. I poured myself a cup of coffee and settled into a chair at the kitchen table. I took a few sips before carefully removing the tape from the wrapping. This was turning out to be fun. Ranger was giving me presents.
Smiling, I finished unwrapping the gift to find three boxes of bullets. Of course, there was a card on top.
“On The Third Day of Christmas…
Babe,
What’s a gun without bullets?
On second thought, forget I asked
R~”
On The Third Day of Christmas Batman Gave To Me Three Boxes of Bullets
Two Pairs of Handcuffs
and a Glock Under a Christmas Tree
Dec 16th
“What am I going to do?” I put on my best pitiful face for Connie and Lula. “He’s giving me presents. I have to get him something.”
“Girl, go buy yourself something at Victoria’s Secret. Batman would love that.”
“Lula, I’m serious.”
“So am I.”
I rolled my eyes. “I don’t have any extra cash. I didn’t think Ranger and I would be exchanging gifts.”
“Then call him over to your place and greet him at the door naked. Doesn’t cost a thing.”
“Connie,” I whined.
“I’ll give you my number, you can always call me,” a familiar male voice said.
I turned to find Tank, with Bobby, Lester and Hector standing behind him. “Uh…”
Lester came forward and held out an envelope. I knew that envelope. I had received one each of the last three days. “Thanks.” I took it. Everyone stood and waited. “This is, uh, private.”
“We were told you had to open it while the four of us where here,” Tank explained.
“Girlfriend, if you don’t open it, I will.”
I shot Lula an evil look that said “over my dead body”.
“On The Fourth Day of Christmas…
Babe,
My men at your disposal.
R~”
I looked up confused. “I don’t understand.”
Lula grabbed the card, read it, and then started to fan herself. “Oh, you’re one lucky white girl.”
Tank took the card and looked puzzled as he read it. “I guess it means we help you out when you need it.”
“Uh…”
Hector rattled off something in Spanish. The guys laughed.
“What?” I had a suspicion.
“Hector said that if you had anything else in mind besides skip chasing, he was out. He said you’re nice and all but not even you can swing him the other way.” Bobby and Lester had a lecherous grin in place.
I narrowed my eyes. “Skip chasing only.”
They all shrugged in unison. “Give me your phone,” Tank said with an outstretched hand. Within minutes I had their direct phone numbers.
On The Fourth Day of Christmas Batman Gave To Me Four Merry Men
Three Boxes of Bullets
Two Pairs of Handcuffs
and a Glock Under a Christmas Tree
Dec 17th
“Now I understand yesterday’s gift.” I looked at the folders on Connie’s desk.
“There’s only five of them. They aren’t due until after New Year’s.”
I sighed. “I know but…but…these are dangerous.”
Now it was Connie’s turn to sigh. “Steph,” she started, “Ranger is giving you five high bond skips AND his men to help you.” She looked at me expectantly. I blinked. She sighed again. “Honey, he knows you need cash but you won’t take it from him. So he does the next best thing, gives you a few of his skips and the resources you need to catch them.”
“I don’t know, Connie.” I was standing there with a knot in my stomach when she handed me an envelope.
“On The Fifth Day of Christmas…
Babe,
You can do it.
R~”
“See, Batman has confidence in you.” Lula said over my shoulder. “You know, there are some words missing.”
“Huh?”
Connie took the card and started to nod her head. “Yep, Lula’s right.”
Lula started to sing. “On the first day of Christmas my…” She signaled with her hands for me to continue.
“My true lo…” I choked on the word. “Oh no, you guys. You’ve got it all wrong.” They started at me like I was crazy. “No, really. He left them off because he doesn’t…you know…me. He didn’t want to have them on there if he didn’t mean it.” I looked at the card again and remembered a recent conversation about relationships and love. “No guys. You’re wrong.” Something in my voice must have come through because they were looking at me with concerned faces.
On The Fifth Day of Christmas Batman Gave To Me Five High Bond Skips
Four Merry Men
Three Boxes of Bullets
Two Pairs of Handcuffs
and a Glock Under a Christmas Tree
Dec 18th
Most of the day had gone by and nothing from Ranger yet. I decided a nap on my couch would be good. Sometime later I woke with the feeling that someone was watching me. I opened my eyes and they landed on Tank.
“You ready?”
“For what?”
“You have five skips to get.” He paused. “We were briefed on your workload.” I narrowed my eyes and Tank brought his hand up in a hold on gesture. “I’m not here to do it for you. Just to help.”
“Why doesn’t Ranger help me?” I mumbled as I threw back the blanket that Tank must have covered me with.
“He’s been busy, Steph.”
My head swung around to look at Tank in shock. “I think that’s the first time you’ve called me Steph.” One corner of his mouth lifted a little, but it faded as quickly as it had come. “I don’t mean to sound ungrateful. I’m sorry. The presents are wonderful and they mean so much but I want…” I couldn’t finish.
“Him instead of the gifts.”
I closed my eyes and hoped Tank didn’t comment on the redness of my face. It’s embarrassing to know that he had figured it out. It probably wasn’t much of a stretch to guess the other guys knew as well.
“Nick Silgowski.”
My eyes blinked open. “What?”
“That’s our first skip.”
I sighed and started to put on my Doc’s. “I know him. He was a few years ahead of me in school. Used to grow pot in his basement.”
“Well, he’s moved on to trafficing.”
“Great,” I said with sarcasm as I stood and headed for the door. “Let’s go. I know where to start.”
“I figured you would.”
I turned quickly to see if he was teasing. He wasn’t. “Thanks.” He nodded. I smiled. “Ok, off to Mooner’s.”
It was almost midnight when I got back to my place. I bounced up the stairs to my front door thinking about the five thousand-dollar receipt in my purse. Even better was the fact that I pulled Tank’s ass out of a sling. I was taking the front approach and Tank was going around back. Nick seemed to know the drill. He had a gun on Tank and was completely surprised when I zapped him from behind.
All my thoughts stopped when I opened my door and found six wrapped boxes with a card on top.
“On The Sixth Day of Christmas…”
Now that Connie and Lula had said something, the fact that sentence wasn’t finished really frickin’ bugged me.
“Babe,
I want to see you in every one.
R~”
Immediately I started to sweat in unusual places. But that didn’t deter me from the task at hand. I opened the first box and about passed out. “Oh my god.” Inside was a pair of beautiful FMP’s. Same thing for the other five boxes.
On The Sixth Day of Christmas Batman Gave To Me Six FMP’s
Five High Bond Skips
Four Merry Men
Three Boxes of Bullets
Two Pairs of Handcuffs
and a Glock Under a Christmas Tree
Dec 19th
Spending the day catching skips and making money can make a girl hungry. So I headed over to Pino’s to pick up a meatball sub. While waiting on my order, one of the waitresses came over and handed me an envelope.
“Hey.” I snagged her arm so she couldn’t run off. “Where did you get this?”
She motioned her head toward the kitchen. “The old man told me to give it to you.”
I took that to mean that Pino himself had told her. “Ok. Thanks.” She chewed her gum, nodded and walked off.
“On The Seventh Day of Christmas…
Babe,
To build your strength.
R~”
Seven Pino’s gift certificates had fallen from the card. I stared at them lying on the table. Then I made a decision. Getting out my phone I dialed his number.
“Yo.”
I was surprised. I didn’t expect him to answer. “Yo, yourself.” Silence, which I took to mean continue. “We need to talk.” More silence. Taking a deep breath I went on. “About the gifts, you should stop.”
“Why?”
Uh oh, he did not sound happy. His voice was tight and rough.
“Ranger I love each and every one. They’re wonderful, well thought out and mean so much, but it’s overwhelming.”
“Just wait.” He voice was warm and sexy now.
I gasped. Oh Lord. “Come have dinner with me at Pino’s.” Crossing my fingers I dared to hope he’d say yes. I wanted to see him.
“Not yet.”
I sighed.
“Soon, Babe.” Was it just me or did he sound a little frustrated too. “Soon.”
On The Seventh Day of Christmas Batman Gave To Me Seven Pino’s Coupons
Six FMP’s
Five High Bond Skips
Four Merry Men
Three Boxes of Bullets
Two Pairs of Handcuffs
and a Glock Under a Christmas Tree
Dec 20th
That night was rough. I barely slept a wink. My thoughts kept me awake, coming up with all the things I wanted to say to him when we finally talked. And all the things I wanted to do with him once I got him in front of me.
I rolled onto my back and stared up at the ceiling, letting out a sigh along the way. That’s when I heard the click of my front door. Leaping from bed I ran into the living room to find it empty. Although the lights on the tree were plugged in and I know I had unplugged them before I went to bed.
There was also a big red bow on the tree with an envelope underneath it. When I picked it up, it wasn’t flat like normal it was lumpy.
“On the Eighth Day of Christmas…
Babe,
There isn’t eight of them, but it’s a V8.
R~”
“Oh God.” I ran to the window. Sitting in my lot was a shiny black Lexus with a huge red bow on the roof.
I grabbed the phone. He picked up on the first ring.
“I’ll blow it up.” I think I was squeaking.
He laughed softly then hung up.
On The Eight Day of Christmas Batman Gave To Me a V8 Engine Lexus
Seven Pino’s Coupons
Six FMP’s
Five High Bond Skips
Four Merry Men
Three Boxes of Bullets
Two Pairs of Handcuffs
and a Glock Under a Christmas Tree
Dec 21st
“Here.”
I screamed and swung around, burg pocketbook going full force.
“Ow. Damn, Steph.” Tank stood rubbing his arm where my pocketbook hit him.
“Don’t sneak up on me!”
“You’re in the police department parking lot. What could happen?”
I gave him a look.
“Forget I asked.” He put his hand out. “Here.”
I smiled instantly. “Thanks.” There was no time wasted in getting this envelope open. I heard a deep chuckle and looked up to see Tank smiling. Huh, whaddya know?
“What happened to private?” That earned him another look.
“On The Ninth Day of Christmas…”
“You know,” I stopped reading and looked up at Tank. “He really needs to finish that sentence.”
Tank shook his head. “Don’t tell me.”
“Ok.” I pulled out my cell phone and dialed. Tank’s smile was even bigger now.
“Yo.”
“I really thought I’d get voice mail this time.” There was a laugh. “As much as I love the presents, each and every one of them, I feel the need to inform you that words are missing from the card.”
“What words?”
“You know, the rest of the words to the song.”
“What words are those?” His voice had gone low and husky.
Crap, I didn’t think about the turn this conversation might take. “Y…you know.”
“No, you’ll have to tell me,” he purred.
Fine, I could call his bluff even though my pulse was racing, my mouth was dry and every bone in my body felt like it was melting. “On the blah blah day of Christmas m…my…tr…true…l…lo…” I started strong but ended weak.
“Soon, Babe, very soon. I promise.” His words washed over me like warm molasses, slow and gooey. I shuddered and he must have heard my exhaled breath because his voice had a smile to it when he spoke next. “That’s right, soon, Stephanie.”
I gasped and jumped slightly. Hearing my name from his lips sent a jolt to my…well, right down there. It was if I could feel him touching me.
“Put Tank on.”
“What?” My breath was unsteady and I was trying to determine if I just had an orgasm in the police parking lot.
“Don’t worry if you didn’t. You’ll get your chance.” The seductive voice was back.
“Oh Lord.”
“Put Tank on. I can hear him laughing.”
Tank! I forgot all about him standing there. My eyes slid over to see if he was laughing. I don’t know why I bothered since it only made him laugh harder. Although when he took the phone from me and turned away I noticed he was trying to discreetly adjust himself. I gave an internal moan and started to hit my head against Big Blue.
“Yes, she was a little flushed. Now she’s beating her head against the car. Is that usual afterward?” He laughed. “Ok. Later.” Tank was facing me again and handed me the phone.
“What did he say?”
“He said open your present. That should kill the mood.”
My eyes went wide. “How could I forget? Wait. Don’t answer that.” I opened the card again.
“On the Ninth Day of Christmas….
Babe,
Don’t argue. You need this and it will make me feel better.
Nine training sessions with the guys.
R~”
“Well?”
I handed Tank the card. He read it, nodded and handed it back to me. I was just about to blast him when a thought occurred to me. “You don’t know what the gifts are, do you?”
“No. Haven’t got a clue.”
Part of me was very glad about that. “But twice now you’ve been involved in being a part of the gift. That doesn’t bother you?”
He looked surprised. “No. Why should it? I’ll help you, so will the others. We don’t mind. Like he said,” he motioned to the card, “you need it. There are things to learn so when the time comes we know you can cover our backs. Going out to catch skips with you and training is what is needed.” I stood there with my mouth hanging open. “Speaking of, be ready at nine tonight so we can go get Phil Johnson. I think he’s worth another five grand.”
On The Ninth Day of Christmas Batman Gave To Me Nine Training Sessions
a V8 Engine Lexus
Seven Pino’s Coupons
Six FMP’s
Five High Bond Skips
Four Merry Men
Three Boxes of Bullets
Two Pairs of Handcuffs
and a Glock Under a Christmas Tree
Dec 22nd
Tank and I didn’t get catch the scumbag until almost two a.m. Then by the time we got him to the station and I got home it was closing in on four. I slept well into the afternoon. When I finally crawled out of bed made it into the kitchen and got coffee going I was too blurry eyed to notice my surroundings. It was a good five minutes before I saw the box on the table with an envelope on top.
This one turned out to be the simplest but also the most touching. I was blinking back tears by the time I got the box unwrapped.
“On the Tenth Day of Christmas…
Babe,
You had a rough night. I hope these make your day a little brighter.
R~
PS I also know you groaned about the training so I thought I’d try and make it up to you.”
Maybe it was from fatigue, or the joy and stress of everything he’s done and said over the last ten days. But for the first time since this adventure started I sat quietly crying over my present, a box of ten Boston Crčmes.
On The Tenth Day of Christmas Batman Gave To Me Ten Boston Crčmes
Nine Training Sessions
A V8 Engine Lexus
Seven Pino’s Coupons
Six FMP’s
Five High Bond Skips
Four Merry Men
Three Boxes of Bullets
Two Pairs of Handcuffs
and a Glock Under a Christmas Tree
Dec 23rd
I spent the entire day with Lester. We caught two more skips. I couldn’t believe how healthy my bank account was looking. The best part about it was that it wasn’t charity. If I thought the guys were going to have pity on me, I was wrong. They made me work for every skip. And it was quite the ego boost when my burg network could find out something their “men in black” network couldn’t.
We finally pulled into my parking lot at 11:45 p.m.
“Steph, you better get upstairs.”
I got out of the car. “Tank usually comes and checks for dead bodies.” He laughed. I think he thought I was kidding.
“Steph…” He trailed off and pointed to a black Mercedes. “Now, go on upstairs.”
Without even saying goodbye I took off for my apartment. I had been too busy today to think about presents, but if Batman was delivering this himself I didn’t want to miss it.
Getting off the elevator at a full run, I burst into my apartment. Ranger stood there looking his usual gorgeous self. Then I realized what I looked like. It had been a rough day. I was rolled in the mud, urinated on, and finally, had food thrown at me.
I looked down at myself then back up at him. I was waiting for him to joke and make fun of me. Instead he came to me and held out a card.
Smiling, I took it.
“On the Eleventh Day of Christmas….
“You have eleven minutes to get ready to leave. Pack for a few days.”
I looked at my watch and darn if it wasn’t 11:49. “But…I…” There was a vague gesture on my part that said “look at me”.
“Times a wastin’. Better get going then.”
“Ranger!”
“11:50. You’ll get Day 12’s card in ten minutes. You’ll throw us off schedule if you don’t hurry.”
I yelped and ran for the shower.
On The Eleventh Day of Christmas Batman Gave To Me Eleven Minutes To Get Ready
Ten Boston Crčmes
Nine Training Sessions
A V8 Engine Lexus
Seven Pino’s Coupons
Six FMP’s
Five High Bond Skips
Four Merry Men
Three Boxes of Bullets
Two Pairs of Handcuffs
and a Glock Under a Christmas Tree
12:10 a.m Dec 24th
So I was ten minutes late. I knew he’d wait.
Finally I was standing in front of him with slightly damp hair, but at least I was clean.
“What time is dinner at your Mother’s tomorrow?”
I blinked a few times. Not exactly what I expected. “One.”
He smiled and it was kind of wicked. “Perfect.” He handed me a card.
“On The Twelfth Day of Christmas…
…My True Love Gave To Me Twelve Hours of Ruining”
My hands started to shake and Ranger took them in his. “Babe, it might not be exactly twelve hours but it’s going to be damn close.” He studied me while I was still in shock. “Ready?”
He moved to the door but I stopped him. “Ranger,” I paused trying to summon my courage. “Everything has been so special but this…this…I can’t.” His face went blank but I couldn’t stop now. He had to understand. “I can’t do this under the current agreement.”
One eyebrow rose. “Current agreement?”
“Yeah, the no strings attached, no relationship and I’m not going to answer if I love you agreement.”
“Read the card again.”
I did and gasped when I got to what had been the missing words. “Ranger…”
“If you remember that previous conversation so well then you’ll know what I mean when I tell you I’m taking you to the Batcave.”
My eyes went wide and I sucked in a huge breath. “You mean…you mean you’re taking me someplace without a TV?”
His face clouded for a second and I knew I had him. But just as quick, it changed and he pulled me flush against his body. I tried not to laugh.
“You won’t need one,” he half growled. Then he kissed me senseless until I felt my legs give way.
When we finally broke apart he studied me intently, but then I did the same to him. Finally I whispered, “Merry Christmas, Ranger.”
He smiled. “Merry Christmas, Babe.”
“Yes it is. Very merry.”
On The Twelfth Day of Christmas Batman Gave To Me Eleven Minutes To Get Ready
Ten Boston Crčmes
Nine Training Sessions
A V8 Engine Lexus
Seven Pino’s Coupons
Six FMP’s
Five High Bond Skips
Four Merry Men
Three Boxes of Bullets
Two Pairs of Handcuffs
and a Glock Under a Christmas Tree
THE END