Nothing Compares To You

Words by Prince

It's been seven hours and fifteen days

Since you took your love away

I go out every night and sleep all day

Since you took your love away

It has been just over two weeks since I'd last seen Ranger in the parking lot of Pino's. He had made his grand statement "Take Steph and Valerie home", then disappeared to "deal with" Abruzzi. A slight shiver went down my spine at the thought. Morelli had to stay with the suicide theory on Abruzzi's death, although we both knew better.

I shook my head to try and clear my thoughts. Every time I start on this train of thought, I come around to the realization that Ranger killed for me. Ok, so Abruzzi was an evil person, who hurt me and threatened a little girl and her mother, to name a few. But I knew after we shared that last look in the parking lot, that Ranger did what he did to take care of me. If he cleared some scum from the earth and everyone happened to benefit, bully for him.

What does it say that someone kills for you? Obviously there are deep, deep feelings, but how deep…exactly? I asked if he loved me and he never answered. If actions speak louder than words, this one is screaming.

And all that screaming keeps me awake at night with thoughts of Ranger tumbling through my head. I've started spending most of my time at night either on stakeouts or the seven eleven picking out ice cream flavors. Either way, the night passes and I'm not so lonely. Sleep comes when the sun is up. There is something less lonely about sleeping during the day.

************************************

Since you been gone

I can do whatever I want

I can see whomever I choose

Since Ranger's been gone, Morelli and I have shared a few nights over Pino's and ESPN. The hot sweaty sex he mentioned the night of "the accident" (that's what Val calls it. I call it the night from hell) never happened. He was called out on assignment for several days and when he returned, we were back to being friends. It was the most comfortable…for both of us. Other than Morelli, I haven't seen too much action. My hormones nag me about it, my brain reminds me of Ranger.

One of my skips had asked me out, but I politely declined and gave him a shot with my stun gun. Or at least I think that's what he asked, it was hard to tell. I don't know drunken slur. There was also a new cop at the station, Rick O'Malia. He's a nice Irish boy I'm sure, and awfully cute. My hormones remind me of that every time I see him when dropping off a skip. He's been sniffing around the last few times I've been to the station. Eddie also told me Rick had asked about me. My hormones jumped for joy, my brain shrugged it off. I think he's going to ask me out.

**********************************************

I can eat my dinner in a fancy restaurant

But nothing I said nothing can take away these blues

'Cause nothing compares

Nothing compares to you

It happened. Rick asked me out. I had been standing outside the docket door wondering how I was going to get the passed out skip out of my back seat when Rick sauntered by. Being big and strong, Rick was able to drag the scum inside without too much effort. Once deposited in a cell, he even took special care to write out my bond receipt. When he walked me out to my car, I knew it was going to happen.

I put a dress on and curled my hair within an inch of its life. He came to pick me up with flowers in hand.

We ate at Rossini's. I had pasta. He had steak. It was nice. He was nice. He was safe. I was safe.

He dropped me back off with a quick kiss and a hug. I lay in bed that night waiting and waiting…he never broke back in. I still thought he was nice. I still felt safe.

I want someone to break in.

********************************************

It's been so lonely without you here

Like a bird without a song

Nothing can stop these lonely tears from falling

Tell me baby where did I go wrong

The damn broke. It may have taken just over two weeks, but it happened nonetheless. I should have known better. The morning after my date with Rick, I was in the shower and it hit. I started to sob, so much that I just let myself drop to the floor, water raining down on me. Once the water turned cold, I was able to control myself to sniffles and leaky tears. But once I was wrapped up in my favorite robe, curled on my bed, the sobs came right back.

Through all the tears, my brain found a way to keep working. It finally occurred to me that I pushed too hard. My insecurities let my mouth run wild and ask things it shouldn't. All this time Ranger has been the one helping me, tutoring me. Never faulting me and being very patient. I couldn't do the same for him. I had to know, had to ask. Do you love me? Why can't we have a relationship? Does the Batcave have a T.V.?

**************************************

I could put my arms around every boy I see

But they'd only remind me of you

I went to the doctor guess what he told me

Guess what he told me

He said girl you better try to have fun

No matter what you do

But he's a fool

'Cause nothing compares

Nothing compares to you

Morelli found me the next day, still curled on my bed dressed in my robe. Extreme bed head was the style for the day along with red puffy eyes and dark circles under them.

He didn’t ask any questions, hardly even said a word, just immediately hauled me to a sitting position and held me in his arms. It felt warm, it felt good…I missed Ranger. I don't know how long we sat there, but when he finally spoke he only said two things: "I don't know why you're like this, but if something bad has happened, you can always tell me" and "I think you've been depressed for awhile, maybe you should see someone".

Joe pulled some strings and got me in to see the station shrink. Reggie Reynold was a boy my sister went to high school with. Dr. Reynold was the man I talked with.

There wasn't much I could tell him. I mean, really. "Oh, I'm depressed because the man I love wouldn't say he loved me, but went out and killed someone for me and then disappeared, with our last interaction being a look that conveyed all the unspoken words between us."

After an hour of some small talk and very few secrets being shared, Reggie decided that it's too early to tell if the depression was acute or chronic. He suggested maybe getting involved doing something I like, start a hobby or take a class. He said a pet could do wonders as well.

I told him I know that. I have Rex. He's the best. So I thanked the Doctor and left.

*******************************************

All the flowers that you planted

In the back yard

All died when you went away

I know that living with you baby was sometimes hard

But I'm willing to give it another try

I can't find him. I talked with Tank a few times and even ran into Hector when in one of the seedier neighborhoods while getting a skip. Neither of them were very helpful. Either they couldn't be or honestly didn't know. I couldn't figure out which. In the end, it didn't matter. If Ranger didn't want to be found, he wouldn't. I took some consolation that I was getting the word out I wanted to talk to him. He'd hear it one way or another.

If only I could reach him, I could tell him what I've figured out. That maybe it was worth a try. That even if it was difficult, we could make it work. I wouldn't try to make him something he wasn't. I would support him, like he does me. I would respect his private ways, to a certain point (Hey, at least I'd be trying).

I'd love him like he'd never been loved before.

************************************

'Cause nothing compares

Nothing compares to you

Nothing compares

Three weeks and 2 days, and still nothing. The word was out I wanted to talk to him. I even went so far as to blubber to Tank about my love for Ranger. It was a moment of weakness and desperation, but if it got me what I wanted, I could care less how I looked doing it.

I was in my bed, in the dark, not sleeping. I could hear Rex's wheel going and the street noise from outside. It's amazing when revelations hit. Sometimes you never know what triggers it, a sight, a sound, or a smell. But that night, while in bed, it didn’t' matter. All I knew, with the up-most clarity, was that no one could take Ranger's place - not Joe, not Rick, nor any doctor full of suggestions.

Just as my mind tried to move on to the subject "Ok, so what now?" I heard the click of my lock being picked. The soft noise of a door being open and then shut. There were no footsteps, no rustling of clothes, or tripping over furniture. There was absolutely no sound except the pounding on my heart in my chest, the rush of blood through my ears. I was sure I'd wake up the whole building.

I clamped my eyes shut, trying to keep the hope out of my heart because it could kill me faster than any bullet if it wasn't who I wanted it to be. After what seemed like years, I could feel a presence in my room. Every hair on my body stood on end.

Just as I was about to lose it…

"Babe."

********************************************

Nothing compares to you

Nothing compares

Nothing compares to you.